I want to spend some time discussing other peoples choices and why they can cause us some pain and suffering. I will do that, but today I have been thinking about how we often let those things cause us to make many more choices of our own that have a snowball effect. Let me illustrate with a personal experience.
In 1971 I was drafted and had to spend two years in the U.S. Army. I was married and had a child on the way so I was not thrilled to be serving my country. My oldest son was born while I was in training. Needless to say I was relieved when I got sent to Germany instead of Vietnam. This relief was not as sweet as I would have thought. When I got to Germany I found a very hostile environment. It seemed we had a sort of "war" going on between what we called "lifers"(career soldiers) and draftees. most of us draftees did not care for the whole idea of war and military service.
Since I was married and needed to be able to drive a car off base, I was able to test and received a POV (privately owned vehicle) license. This license was difficult to attain because the Germans administered the test and we had to learn the German laws and a lot of international road signs. It was an automatic assignment for young enlisted men who had POV licenses to become Jeep drivers because Jeeps were driven on the roads and highways off base.
My Platoon leader was a West Point graduate named Lt. Locke. He seemed like a decent young man, but he and I soon had problems. One night I was assigned to be the duty driver. This is the guy who has to drive the duty officer and sergeant of the guard around to check on the battalion area and post guards for guard duty at night. Prior to this I had to go home to put on my best duty uniform because I also had to look good during this assignment. As I was preparing to leave to go back to the base to assume my duty, my Baby son got into a cupboard in the kitchen and pulled a box of drain cleaner onto his head. When I got to him he appeared as if he might be eating some. I immediately grabbed him up and my wife held him on her lap in our car while I drove to the infirmary. The doctor there assured us that the boy had not eaten any of the stuff because it would have burned his mouth and throat severely. As a precaution, since he had dumped the powder on his head, they rinsed his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Then we were to keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours. The doctor gave me a note that was to relieve me of duty so I could be home with my son.
Since my duty station was between the infirmary and my home, we stopped at headquarters and told the duty officer I had to go home. The duty officer happened to be Lt. Locke. He argued for some time about why I needed to go home, until my wife came in and got hysterical about this man keeping me from taking her and our baby home. In this confusion I had given the doctor's note to the Lieutenant, basically to show him this was necessary.
The next day I was called at home and told to report to my company commander. I tried to explain that I was told by the doctor to stay with my baby for 24 hours, but I was "ordered" to report to the commander. When I got to the company area I was ushered in to see the captain. Lt. Locke was in the office already. After enduring a great deal of tongue lashing for missing my duty assignment I was finally given a chance to explain. When I finally mentioned that there was a note from the doctor, the captain changed his tone and asked where this note was. I informed him that I had given it to Lt. Locke. Well, of course, Lt. Locke was unable to produce the note, but a call to the infirmary confirmed my story.
After this event I had a great deal of hate for Lt. Locke. It was so bad I would lie awake at night sometimes plotting ways to take the man's life. Many things I did from that time forth were effected by my feelings toward my Lt. After about a year of this I came to the realization that this was eating me up and was very definitely effecting my life. I also realized that my feelings didn't hurt the Lt. at all. His life went on just fine. I knew I had to forgive him for my own sake. I prayed about this for some time and finally was able to resolve the incident in my own mind. Interestingly, a month or so after I resolved things, Mrs. Locke, the Lieutenant's wife, Had a baby. It seemed like this had a great impact on Lt. Locke's attitude toward me. In fact, a few months later he called me into his office and apologized to me. The last year of my tour of duty in Germany was a much happier experience. A few months later my whole company was invited to test for the Expert Infantryman's Badge. This is a decoration that few soldiers get. It is very prestigious for infantry soldiers. The test lasts three days. I told my Lt. that I was going to prove to him and myself that I could be a good soldier. He laughed, but said he hoped I did. When the results of the test came in no one in my company received the badge, but I had the highest score in the company. I missed by one point. By the way, the officers also took part in the testing and I had beaten all of their scores.
This story is a little long but it has a point. That is that we sometimes let the discomfort that comes from others' choices effect the choices we make. We must be very careful how we react to outside influences because our reaction can have a much more far reaching and long lasting effect on us. We cannot let others' choices change our own ability to make correct choices because the ultimate responsibility for our lives is ours.
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