Baby Steps

At least one more post about our choices and keeping them.

The 1991 film, "What About Bob?" illustrates what I'd like to talk about today.  It's a very fun film about a man with many phobias and a tendency to drive his therapist crazy.  Our anti-hero, Bob, is referred to Dr. Leo Marvin, who we find is on vacation with his family.  Upon meeting Bob, Dr. Leo writes him a prescription to take a vacation from his problems,  thinking he will leave.  Unfortunately Bob decides to join Dr. Leo and his family on their vacation.  This leads to many funny moments.

In the movie, Dr. Leo has written a book named "Baby Steps."  This is based on his theory that  problems are solved by taking very small steps and building on them until the problems are conquered.  Since then I have actually heard psychologists use the term "baby Steps."  It is actually sound theory.   We often become overwhelmed with problems and by breaking them down into the smallest steps to move toward resolution we can eventually make the problems go away.

If we apply this to choices we make in life, or goals we want to set for ourselves it works very well.  The reason most of us set goals and fail to reach them is we set them too high.  We become overwhelmed with the size and difficulty of what we are trying to accomplish.  If we back up  and set attainable goals that we are sure we can reach we can then have small successes and build on that success.  For example, lets say someone decides to read The Bible from cover to cover.   They get out their copy (most families have copies laying around that have never been read) and start looking at it.  The shear size of the thing is enough to make most of us give up before we start!  So instead of seeing the huge goal we need to break it down.  A quick glance on line will give us a number of plans with charts to read The Bible in a certain period of time.  Most are one year programs.  If you're LDS, ask any Seminary Teacher to give you the reading chart they give students.  This may work for many people.  A lot of us will still find the long term goal somewhat discouraging and will give up after a few days.  Or as life happens to us we may miss a few days and this causes us to get frustrated and give up.  Breaking this down further and further we can get down to saying we will read for five minutes tomorrow.  If I were counseling a person to do this, I would have them report how they did.  Then I might ask them if they thought they could do the same for a week.  Building on this success we might try another week or even two.  Researchers say that something repeated for 21 days becomes a habit.  So after three weeks we have developed a habit.  Of course, we can build on this and extend the time spent reading.  According to one chart I looked at it takes about a half hour of daily reading to read The Bible in one year.  And taking our mind off the big goal, a half hour of scripture reading a day is not a bad habit to develop.

To sum up,  take a big goal and divide it into steps.  If the steps are still too hard break them down further.  Eventually we will get to the baby steps that we can do.  Each person must figure out for himself what those baby steps are.  Some people can manage bigger steps than others.  After we succeed build on that success until the steps aren't so hard.  Above all, KEEP STEPPING!

Steps and Missteps

There is a saying which says a great journey begins with the first step.  As true as this is it misses another point.  Yes, a journey doesn't happen until we take that first step, but every other step is just as important.  Any time we stop stepping the journey ends.  At least it is delayed for a time.  And any misstep seriously curtails our trip.  When we take the first step in our journey we must keep stepping and stay on the goal.

The prophet Lehi had a dream.  In his dream he saw the tree of life and the fruit which was very desirable.  Some of his family came and ate the fruit and some didn't.  His oldest sons rebelled right away.  As he watched the other people trying to get there, he observed a straight and narrow path which led to the tree.  Along the path was a rod of iron.  All the people had to do was hold onto the rod to find their way.  Those who lost their hold wandered off the path and were lost in a mist of darkness.  The other thing observed was a massive building, full of people mocking those who sought the tree and fruit.  Some people looked ashamed. At any rate this created a great distraction.  Then there were many who desired to get to the spacious building and join those there.  The interesting thing was that many of these people got lost on the way and some drowned in a river that was there.  Nephi,  Lehi's son, prayed for an explanation to this dream. An angel showed him the same dream with a thorough discussion of it's meaning.  Readers can read the story in 1st Nephi for this discussion.  For my discussion, I just wish to say we must set our sights on what is most important. take the first steps in the right direction.  Then we must keep the goal in sight and use what tools are there to help us stay on task.  The iron rod was there in Lehi's dream.  Often there are simple things that are easy to use but we sometimes loose track of them.  Or we don't take advantage of them because they are too simple.

David Frost's Poem gives us  some thoughts about choosing the right road:

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.				20

 I love the last line "And that has made all the difference."

My friends, we must choose carefully what path we take and when we choose keep stepping!  Also, always remember, if we get lost along the way, it is never too late to try to find our way back.  It may not be easy to get back through the dark mist,  but the path is still there and if we get ahold of the rod again we can still reach our goal.

About the Title of This Blog

I had a number of ideas for the title of my blog.  One was The Epistles of Paul (Not the Apostle).  others included: Simply Hope; Strength in Weakness; and The Mustard Seed.  This final idea grabbed me, though.

I went and found the talk where I got this idea from.  It is Elder Richard G. Scott in a talk given October 3, 2009.  In order to give the proper credit I quote here:

"The inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions, such as anger, hate, passion, fear, or pride. When such influences are present, it is like trying to savor the delicate flavor of a grape while eating a jalapeño pepper. Both flavors are present, but one completely overpowers the other. In like manner, strong emotions overcome the delicate promptings of the Holy Spirit."

I hope I am not infringing on any copyrights or anything.  The Apostles are always inspiring and this talk was especially so to me.  The "still small voice" can be heard or felt by all who are willing to be still and listen with their heart.  I was also inspired recently by a book by Stephen R. Covey, Spiritual Roots of Human Relations.  In one chapter he tells of being invited to the University of Arizona for a "Religion In Life Week."  He tells of being in a discussion with a group of students about the "new morality" and after feeling like he was getting nowhere with them he was inspired to challenge the students to listen very carefully and they would hear a voice.  They wouldn't hear it in their ear, but if they listened carefully they would hear or feel it in their hearts.  He challenged them to be quiet and try it for one minute.   If they didn't feel something in that minute he would leave and not waste any more of their time.  Well after a minute of silence the results were astounding.  For more details read the book.  I recommend it for many reasons.  I just especially love the way he says to listen with our hearts.

I also chose the grapes and peppers imagery because to me these flavors are on the opposite ends of the flavor scale.  I realize there are many who eat jalapeños like they are candy but to me they are not.  I hope no one will be offended if I use them to compare good and evil or other opposing forces that we face every day in life.  As the prophet Lehi said to his son Jacob, in 2 Nephi 2, there must be opposition in all things.  We know this is necessary so we can have good and bad, etc.  If it weren't for the Jalapeños we may not appreciate the sweet grapes, in life.

Families Defined

I realize that yesterday I kind of threw up in my post.  I said a lot of things all at once and I know I can write several posts about the subject matter of yesterdays post.  I will probably do just that, so stay tuned and consider yesterday an overview.

Meanwhile something else is on my mind today.  Recently Pres. Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has become the subject of a media frenzy.  It seems the gay community is not pleased with his talk in General Conference.  Let me just say first that pres. Packer did not speak out against gays per se.  He spoke out against practices that take place outside the bounds of a clearly defined marriage.  Adultery has always been one of the top ten sins. (see Exodus 20)  Whether it is straight or gay, animal or vegetable, sex outside of marriage in any form is considered wrong.

I have been associated with people of many persuasions all of my life and I have always been very tolerant of their life choices.  I don't condone or support promiscuity in any form, but I don't discriminate against anyone because of their choices.  Agency is the right to choose.  and I will fight to the death to protect that principal and right.

A friend of mine I knew back in the late 80's put this subject into perspective.  During this period of time it was popular for gays to "come out" and "out" each other.  A big deal was made of these outings with great fanfare.  My friend said that even though we may know people engage in many acts in their marriages, we don't really want to know what they do behind closed doors.  Why then do we need to have gay acts forced in the public domain?  These things exist and we know they Happen.  Just don't get in our face with them.

Another small point:  why are people so appalled at the idea of polygamy yet we are supposed to accept every other alternative style of family?  Don't get me wrong, I am not supporting polygamy here either.  I have all I can do to keep up with one wife.  When I studied Social Psych we were taught all the different definitions of family today.  I really didn't agree then and I don't now.

Again, as "Mormons" we don't discriminate against Gay people or any other group.  We just believe the Lord when he told us, "Thou Shalt not commit adultery", In all of it"s forms.

Tomorrow, Back to choices and their consequences.  Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Why do bad things happen?

There is a song by Garth Brooks named "The Dance."  In this song he talks about pain and heartbreak.  He says I could have missed the pain but I would have had to miss the dance.  The point is that we all must suffer some in life so we can appreciate the good things that happen.

There are three reasons we suffer:

1.  Bad choices.  We make choices every minute.  Some good some bad.  The course of our lives is determined by the choices we make all of the time.  We must live with the consequences of our choices.  again good and bad.




2.  Other peoples bad choices.  The creator, in his wisdom, gave us what is called free agency.  The agency to choose right or wrong.  Good and bad.  Sometimes bad choices cause the suffering of others.  In order for free agency to take place we have to suffer some for others bad choices.



3.  Just because.  Sometimes there are bad things that happen and we can't attribute them to anyones choices.  They just happen.  Like the famous bumper sticker, "Stuff Happens" (cleaned up for public consumpton).


For many years I tried to find a reason for many of the bad things that happen.  Especially to children. Some things happen that have deep reaching, long lasting effects on children.  effects that last into adulthood.  As a member of the LDS church I was often quoted a scripture found in The Doctrine and Covenants.  Another blog will explain the scriptures I believe.  Section 122:7 says "...all these things will give thee experience, and be for thy good."  As one who suffered some long lasting childhood "bad stuff" I was not satisfied with this.  Experience?  For my good?  It just didn't make me feel very good.   It took a long time, but I think I now know what The Lord was saying in this scripture.  What is it that experience does for us?  It gives us understanding!  Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ took on Himself all of our pain.  He suffered it all.  He didn't just take our sins.   He took our pain, our sorrow, even all of the suffering we must endure.  The experience of our own suffering gives us just a little bit of understanding of what He went through.  I have an image in my head of being in the premortal life.  I am pulled to the side by The Lord.  He says to me, "I will take the troubles of the world on myself, but I need your help.  In order for the concept of free agency to work some children will have to suffer for some peoples bad choices.  Will you be one of those?  It will be like you take a small part of the atonement for me".  The really great news here is that He can take the pain and sorrow away if we just let Him.  We suffer to understand the greatest gift of all.  But the suffering is only for a moment when we truly understand this gift...the Atonement.